I was sitting at work today staring at my desk. All I could think about was falling asleep and how my desk has no plant. I have no plants. Not a single one in my area. I had actually hoped that I might be surprised with flowers. (And anyone who knows me knows that isn’t me). It wasn’t until about the end of the day people were in a rush and emergencies happened and everything had to get done right now. As I’m typing away trying to get what people need, I realize something. These people are so caught up in their work lifestyle all they see is numbers and trying to make their job better and blah blah blah, while me who is sitting there thinking as I’m typing away that I have no FUCKING PLANT ON MY DESK. 

As I was driving home, I watch the sky like I do everyday. I hate winter. Like bad. I hate it, but if there is one thing winter has that I really enjoy, it’s the sky. You can’t get skies like that any time of the year. But the winter skies are my favorite. So as my eyes go from the rays of the sun, the pink clouds, to the floaty thing in the air. It dawns on me….. I never realized just how much of my connection to earth I had lost. 

When I was little I was very wild. I had no parents around. I was very close to a feral child had it not been for a ‘home’ to come to at night. I was outside. Enjoying myself as a child. The great outdoors was my playground and I loved it. I remember one day it was 70 degrees out and it snowed. Yes you heard that right. I watched in amazement how the snow was coming down so fast and it melted right before it hit the ground. It was the most beautiful thing to see in no clothes and not cold. I thought of it as a gift. A gift from what, I didn’t know at the time. 

There was a time I was extremely hot trying to walk hom. I don't know how far out of town I walked but it was in the woods with no water, the wind blew it was cold. Enough to cool me down. Not long after that, I saw a dirt road. There was hardly nothing around. But I walked along the road and the railroad tracks (because I knew the railroad tracks would take me home as we lived along them) and eventually a car came down the road offered me a ride, but I said no. So she gave me a bottle of water.

I remember a year when spring came and when I saw the leaves on trees I was really upset with myself because I didn’t get to see the spuds. EVERY YEAR I always watched the leaves grow and this was the first of many I didn’t get to see them. From there I went downhill with my connection to the wonderful ‘mother’ I had. 

My point in all this is that it’s amazing how as you grow, responsibilities grow, stress grows, and everything grows except well… you. You lose sight. Being an adult trying to get that sight back, I might say has been a struggle. I miss my childhood sight. I miss my ‘gifts’. I miss my ‘mother’.